A New Me
by EmilyLouisexx
Summary: So, Me Miranda, I Need to sort my life out, so I've decided to Start from scratch with the 'New me' I currently am trying to impress Gary who works next door. I have got an interview at College *cross fingers*. I can Do this, I can become the new me.
1. Chapter 1

[].A New Me.[]

* * *

Summary: Meet Miranda. A typical Woman, who just wants to have fun! Running a Joke shop is hard work, especially With a Mother like Penny. Penny Just wants Miranda to Be married and Have Kids.

But Miranda has other ideas?.

* * *

() Miranda walked along the road, where a couple of Good Looking Men were standing, she kept on walking and smiled happily towards them 'Cool and Casual' she kept repeating i her mind. Each one was different and unique, different colour Hair, stubble, and clothing. This was always a downside to Miranda, she could never walk past guys without making a fool out of herself. She already started to walk funny when they were in sight.

As she looked up the Path, she saw her worst friend, from Boarding school, Tilly. Tilly was a fair woman, with her own mind to everything, she made up words that didn't even exist. Some like ' Marveliismus' or 'Flabagastamoomoo' Miranda didn't really know, why she was friends with Tilly but they had gone to boarding school together, so maybe she could class her as 'Boarding Budds?'

Anyway as she carried on looking 'Cassh' past the Good looking man, One turned around to speak to her. He was tall, Black hair spiked up, Designer Stubble. He wore a blue polo shirt to show off, He's Abs and Biceps+Triceps, But Miranda didn't care.

"Hey Babe" Miranda was instanter taken by shock of this and Didn't have a Reply Ready, So she just stood there in space.

"Hi" This is all she could get out of her mouth at this precious Time. This moment could make a difference in her life? This could be her big start to her 'New Me' Roll. In her mind a Voice was shouting 'Speak' 'Speak' she could have swore it was Penny her Mother. Quickly she shuck her hair causing her to go dizzy and fall over on the spot, and bang her head on a rock.

Miranda Awoke to all of the Good looking Men, kneeing down before her, with a confused looking Tilly and Penny next to them.

"Miranda?" Penny's voice was full of concern, but looking around at all the guys, she might have been a bit more upset for her Daughter. An Act maybe?

"Queen Kong?" Miranda was hoping she didn't just say that 'Queen Kong' Yes she had, Great, she would never beable to pull it off now. She was kinda' grateful... She thought again Nope she wasn't.

"Tilly!"

"I say Young Man, get down there quick, and resist Temptation; With her Big Knickers, you'll be away"

"MUM"

/x/x

I Awoke the Next morning In a bit of a daze, Trying not to remember the previous events that happened the day before. I mean, Personally I thought I was doing pretty well, Until I thought of Mum and then Hit my Head. She is always doing that, her silly catchphrase 'Such Fun' or 'What I call', I mean why do mum's always have to be so embarrassing, I was doing quite well until Tilly- That irritating, Posh-Snot, Weirdo, Thinks I'm her friend, person. I mean the world would be so much more free without them, Lock em' in a Zoo that's what I think, Oh How Rude.

I ate breakfast quicky, In Hope that it was already Evening time, so I could get drunk once again and forget the past events. I looked at the clock which read 10:02am, A couple of Hours to go yet I thought. As I hurried down into my Joke Sop where my little trusty Friend Stevie was talking on the Phone Once again, All I could hear were words coming out of her mouth like "Chocolate Willy's, Fluffy Hand Cuffs, Love Eggs, Anyone would have thought it was a Sex shop. Cause that would have gone down well At my School Reunion.

_"Hey Miranda"_

_"Sally Hi"_

_"How are you? Married?"_

_Miranda stared at her "seriously?"_

_"Yes, I mean I have kids, Husband, I work as a High Fashion Designer, designing clothes to Models all over the world" Miranda still stared at her, looking blankly and puzzled." What do you do?"_

_"Yes well I run a Very Good Business, Its my own all done by Myself" Sally looked Impressed. _

_"Well that's good, everyone here at Boarding School thought you couldn't get a job, and would run your own Business, As a Sex shop maybe" Miranda tried not to laughed or make any movement, She laughed._

_"As If I would do that? What kind of Person do you think me as?" Now she was panicking and filling up her cup - Which is over filled-.  
_  
_"What Business?" _

_"Urhh? Children shop" Tilly walked over to them both._

_"Hey, are you discussing Queen Kong's new Business A Sex Shop?" She smiled and Ran quickly only to tripping over and falling straight into the Desserts table._

Stevie had interrupted my thoughts when she came over and explained the situation, I sat there bored stiffless.

"Its a Long and Bumpy Road, this Business Its hard but With My help, We can get it back into shape"

"Sounds like it needs some repairs and tarmacking" I happened to laugh after this causing Stevie to star blankly at me again.

"Miranda, this is Serious"

"I know but after yesterday, I need perking up"

"Yeah I heard, more like Perking down" Stevie was sitting on her stool, the same one she always sat on, so I happened to lean on her making her fall straight onto the floor.

"Miranda"

"Stevie, Serves you Right"


	2. Chapter 2

[].A New Me.[]

[]CHapter 2[]

I walked around the shop for hours, Mainly considering, How was I going to get this New Me roll under way. Go to the Gym, Get a Man?, Maybe even a Pet? I think I might sleep on it. I'm not in a good mood, SInce my mother had rudely interupt my moment with a Man, I was hugely embarassed, and to make it worse Tilly was there.

As I finally sat down, trying not to fall asleep I drank my coffee, The sound of Silence was golden to me and I could of easily dosted off, But lukcy my rude mum walked in with a spring in her step.

"Miranda I hav found you a Man"

"What Mum?"

"A decent chap, Works at a college teaching child care" I turned around to look to see if I could scream, but know luck. Stevie was nudging me; she was trying to find an escape route too.

"Mum, I'm Not interested."

"Well I am What I call dissapointed."

"That's what you do call it. Its just Mum you always match me up to some Posh guy who has a high topper lip and cannot repeat Scones without saying Sconnes."

"Miranda Please, Just do as your told and look"

"No I Won-"

"Such Fun"

"Mum Listern"

"Such Fun" Penny repeated this until she was by the door and walking out, Oh I do hate her sometimes.

I sat back down next to Stevie. "Child-care Really?" Stevie was already on the net and looked up the college.

"Well I say, He isn't bad looking at all" I walked over hoping that he wasn't Ugly, but I really couldn't imagine myself with a teacher. My expression on my face its a bit extreme, but he isn't bad looking at all. " And your in Luck Miranda, He is doing an Open-day for the Course Tomorrow"

"Really, You are joking?"

"Nope." Did I really want to go after a guy that tought child care? I mean I really don't want children and I Hate the idea of it.

"Do I really want to go after a 'Decent' Looking guy that teaches Child care, I Mean he's probably wanting children, and the ide makes me want to puck. I don't want Children I want to have fun"

"Fun? You have fun?... Miranda you are in the house by 9pm and you stay there."

"I have wild Times" I think back to the time where I am lining up all my fruit friends, in short lines, I turn the CD Player on and Start singing 'Summer Loving' from Grease, Then after the crowd goes wild and starts to cheer. Stevie starts looking at me waving her hand infront of her face.

"Miranda"

/

Me and Stevie later that Night Decide to go out for a drink, Adventurous you might think Yes but only next door, to where Gary is. I must show him that I'm not bothered about what happened between us. That I have started a 'New Me'. As we are all sat at the table, Clive comes and orders our drinks returning with them shortly after. I explain my whole New Me to everyone include Gary, He looks shocked, worried maybe? But I don't care I can do this.

My Mother Penny walks in shortly after. "Miranda I do Hope you are going to see that guy?"

"Miranda has a 'guy'?" CLive asked looking a bit confused, I slap his arm.

"I Don't and I might mum, but all in good time." After and hour or so has gone and I had to go home, its was past 8:30 and nearly 9pm, So slowly getting up, and putting on my Jacket, Everyone stars at me.

"What?"

"Your Leaving? This Early?"

"Yes"

"Why? You never have any wild Times" I am shocked at What Stevie is saying.

"I'm Sorry Stevie, But I have college in the morning to attend too" Everyone is staring, Blankly, They are confused, Puzzled at what I have just said.

"Such Fun" My mother smiled at me, knowing that I was going because of him.

"College...Miranda...Good Luck" A small smile formed across Gary's face and lit up his expression on his face. He was impressed. Charmed by the idea of her going to college.

Score 1-0 To Miranda.


	3. Chapter 3

.A New Me.

[] Chapter 3 []

I awoke early from my annoying alarm clock ringing in my ear, this didn't happen regularly as I never had a set time to get up. Urgg, I hated getting up early for school but now this is really taking the mick. I feel slightly sick, maybe feelings of nervous and mainly the fact that I never have been to college before.

As I walked downstairs dressed and ready to go, I realise that I wasn't going alone, I had asked Stevie to come along with me, only because I knew I would make a fool out of myself and need some support.

"Morning Stevie" Stevie looked at me and smiled slighty, she hadn't been up so early as well, But she insisted on coming with me and also driving me. As we drove out and into the town, I had a sick stomach, I hated school, how was I gunna' cope with College? Miranda calm down, chill its just an open day.

The Car ride took forever and Stevie was driving like a Granny, So I kept myself looking out of the window and try to think about some-else. I t was weird because I never get nervous as much as today.

"Miranda we're here" Those Three words sent a chill down the back of my spine. As we Walked into reception I instantly turned red, There were good looking us everywhere, I whispered into Stevie's ear "What on earth? Is it me or a lot more men like the course than we do?" She simply nodded her head, not even listening to me. I slowly made my way to The Queue where people were signing in, I stood there trying to look cool and not nervous, but Gave myself away by Constantly moving around.

"Next?" Before stood A Woman in a smart suite, taking down names. "Hello, Welcome to 'East Surrey College. Name?"

"Oh Miranda" I tried to stop myself from shaking, whilst Stevie told her, her name, we walked through and looked around. I felt out of this place, there were young teenagers everywhere. I mean there were people my age in the course I am doing but still. It didn't feel right.

"Miranda Look" She pointed her finger to wear an Middle-aged man stood. I hoped that she was wrong but I needed to know if it was or not.

"How can you be sure its him?"

"Well he' Name says Aiden, your mum said his name was Aiden." I shrugged my shoulders and went into a sulk.

/

As I were walking around with the group, Stevie chose to A Man walked towards me. I couldn't tell if he was from my course or if was working here, He wore No Name badge.

"Hello, Enjoying the tour?"

"Well I wouldn't really say Enjoying, More like bored to death, when if this bloody fella' ganna' show up?"

"."

"He's bloody late, what a surprise, I saw him heading towards the canteen; food always gets the better with men. They are all the same." I was getting really annoyed now.

"Who?"

"Aidan Marshall"

"oh" He started to laugh from a little to a lot.

"Whats funny?" Wow I was actually talking to a man, who was not bad looking at all.

" Nothing, Nothing. I'll be back in a minute" Then He was gone like that.

Stevie walked around the corner, and smiled at Miranda, The head of the course was going to do a speach, if he ever turned up. We sat down and waited, until A man walked out onto the stage. I instantly looked up at the Guy and saw it was the exact same one who I was just talking it, Great!/

I tried to get Stevie's Attention. "Stevie, that's the guy I was talking too!" I said in a whisper. But she couldn't hear me. "I thought he was on this course"

The man with the microphone said. "Everyone I'd like you to meet your Course Leader Aidan Marshall" Oh Crap now I was in trouble. Why hadn't I thought, that the man in a suit would be the Course Leader and manager. Now I stood up and walked over to Stevie. "We got the wrong person Stevie"

"Well seems the people who are looking to be on this course are Nice. And Don't worry I will never be late, cause of the canteen" Now I really did look like a tomato, I couldn't stop myself from going red.

I swear a should get a book called Miranda's Embarrassing Moments, or Miranda's world records of embarrassing moments.

/x/x

After an Hour or so had been, the touring and talk were over and we could chat to the course leader, this had me nervous as I had called him fat by implying being late from a canteen. Great. As I got closer and closer to the room, my heartbeat was thumping louder and louder in my ear, I had sweaty palms and just wanted to get this over with. What would happen if I did say sorry? Change the subject, get kicked off this course?

As I stumbled over to the chair to sit opposite him, He was trying not to laugh.

"Miranda"

"Aidan" I was very embarrassed, he was never going to let me on this course now. Great, What would I tell mum now? But I tried to act normal.

"Miranda, Why have you chosen this course?" Cause of you of course ha-ha. I wish I'd have told him that.

"Urm...I love Kids"

"Do you have any?"

" 2 Little Boys"

"Names?"

"Urm...Urmm... Jonny and Depp" He looked at me in a confused way, How stupid was I, Jonny and Depp? Really?

"Nice"

"I'm a massive fan, Go pirates" I gave him a cheesy grin and smiled.

"Okk"

After a long talk, he finished asking all of the questions he needed to, and walked off, He turned around to look back at me.

"I think you will be a pleasure on this course, With your personality" And then he was gone.

/x/x

From the excitement I had to the day, me and Stevie decided to go to the restaurant next door, I was ticking off the boxes in my head.

1. Go to college open day

2. Get Tottie with the hottie

3. Maybe get into college cause of this

4. Impress Gary

5. Kiss Gary.

Wow that's a lot of things on the list,but saying that once I get there I will forget them. As I walked in confidently, with a massive Grin on my face. Penny ran up to Miranda and she made the annocement.

"Mum, I think I might have got into College"

"Go Miranda." Everyone applauded, Which then I couldn't help but take a bow.

"Really?" Clive replied.

" Yes Clive, He said that he would be is pleasure teach me!" I laughed, Well that's what he kinda' said.

"Miranda, I'm so Happy for you" I hugged Stevie.

"Come on then? Who's up for a drink" Everybody cheered. Gary was impressed.

**x/x/x**

So Its 10:30am and I have just got outta' bed. I had a Wonderful Night, and remember talking a bit to Gary.

**_ FlashBack._**

_"Miranda, I'm impressed" I've done it, at last._

_"Awh Thank you Gary"_

_"I mean really impressed" And he came closer and closer edging for my Lips, I could feel his breath on my Lips. What a Perfect moment. But Fairy tales always have there Cock Ups. I mean He is just about to kiss me, when Penny and Stevie run around the corner, Shouting "Miranda bats for the other side." I mean really of all things to shout? That?_

_Then We split apart, I was red Very Red; Like a tomato, No maybe eve worst, SO I walked out and Gary followed me._

_"Miranda its not true is it?" Inside my Head, I was laughing,Seriously?_

_"No, No ,NO I swear. I like Men with Balls" There was an awkward Silence. Great timing Miranda, Great timing._

_"Oh Good" He decided to walk with me, it was sweet of him, considering that I only lived next door._

_"Thanks Gary" I said as I stood at my doorway. "I Really don't see why you don't have, have a Girlfriend"_

_"I dunno, Just haven't met that right girl yet I suppose" I reached for him and gave him a hug and said good night, I slammed the door shut, Every Family has a pain in the Ass._

x/x

So back to what today brings, I decided to go shopping with Stevie and Mum, I know it sounds stupid, but if We do get into College - Which Stevie says we are- then I need clothes and where best to start than 'Big and Long'

Big and Long was a clothing shop for the 'Bigger' Woman, they were in the middle of Town and supplied some of the Best clothes In the World, It was just all the brands in bigger sides. I mean We started shopping in A shop Called Short and skinny what a name? and the Woman, -Rude this is- says "This clothes are not your side, your a lot bigger please try something else" and walks behind the counter and talks to her collogue and calls me Fat. I mean I was outraged so I went and pushed all the clothes over. I am now currently banned from that shop. Penny and Stevie just walked away as if I was not with them to embarrassed.

So I walked into Big and Long hate the name but still, the Woman walks to me.

"Hello Madam, How may I help you?"

"I'm just looking thanks"

"OK, well we have loads of clothing which will fit you, You got perfect curves" I was like Thank you and Stevie just looked gone out. You see there motto It 'Never say Fat, Its curves' 'Men dig for Curves' I just laughed when she said that but maybe it was true?

I got out my purse and paid for my clothes which fitted like a tea, and smiled saying goodbye. I mean why couldn't everyone be like that? We got back and had seen what clothes we had all brought. My Mum had brought herself some shoes. Stevie had brought I few tops in the sale and I had brought I complete 2 outfits. We were talking away when The mail man put through the letter box a lot of mail. Stevie ran over to it, it see if the letter from college ha d come, and it did.

I was too scared to open, what happens if I got in? If I did and Stevie didn't? or the other way round? "You Open it" I said to worried to look at it. I watched her open the envelope and see her study the cover of the letter. Her face looked dissapointed and I huffed. Great I thought.

"We're In" Stevie simply Said.


	4. Chapter 4

[] A New Me. []

Chapter 4.

I was shocked to put it bluntly. My Interview went rubbish, I called my course manager Aidan fat and late -which he is neither- he is the most beautifulest-very long word-. person in the world except me. Oh how Naughty. I lost Stevie around the college-easy , but we had managed to get in. I looked over to my Mother who you could say looked like a puffer fish, she was very shooked and looked like she was going to faint but she managed to get herself back to reality with a simple headshake.

"Well Miranda I am What I call Proud." I felt like I was going to burst, my mother callling me proud? What had the world come too, I mean seriously She would and has never called me that in all her life...even when I opened my own shop.

_Flash Back_

_"Mum, What are you doing here?" Miranda was surprised to see her mother standing outside her new 'business'._

_"Tilly's Mum said that a 'jerk' was opening a joke shop, so I had to come see all of the action. I mean really who opens such a shop" Miranda stared down at the ground and looked at her feet. Penny looked at her clock 10:01am. "Late opening, it says 10am opening but its 10:01, This is what I call A sham"_

_"Congratulations on your shop Miranda" Clive said walking around the corner from the restaurant._

_"Aw. Thanks Clive." Miranda looked at her mother who had gone blue._

Staring blanky, I tried to keep my cool, I was going to college. Yes. Me. "Everyone around to the restaurant, I'm feeling Hungary We all walked out of the shop and to the restaurant which was next door, I stayed to lock up the shop and Stevie stayed with me, Walking slowly she nudged me and i followed her behind the shop.

"What?" I asked.

"This is your chance Miranda, Impress Gary" Giving a shocked face, I knew I couldn't impress him.

"Stevie, I can't, I can't do it, I'll mess up"

"This is your chance Miranda, You can Do this. Tell yourself you can"

"Ok, Ok. I can do this" I took a deep breath "I can DO THIS" Jumping on the spot, Just to make Stevie believe I knew I could do it, But the thing is I couldn't.

"Come on I'm starving"

"Seriously Stevie? your Starving is like A toad wanted a Fly, its Nothing." She walked off.

"I can't do this" I told myself out loud.

x

"Well I decided to do a College Celebration Party!, Everyone is what I call Invited"

"Mum it is what everyone calls it" I shake my head.

"Great Idea Penny, It will really help with the restaurant" Yes I thought, Impressing time with Gary. I look over towards the bar, he is doing drinks, maybe now is the correct time for impressing him, Gracefully i get up and tell everyone at the table I will get the drinks. Stevie gives me a wink and I walk up towards the bar. Why is it so awkward to speak to a guy? Why?

_"I'll take the drinks Gary"_

"aww, thanks Miranda" He winks at me, i want to melt, this Is the time. Its a thing, that's what it is. I need to do something, Tell him. Tell him you got into College. Tell Him... I got nothing I need to do something. Secret meeting with Stevie is needed, and badly. Now is not the time.

"Miranda?" I blink back, I need to stop staring into space.

"Sorry Gary"

"Are you ok?"

"yeah I'm fine" I turn around still trying to look eligant. I smile

"You look in pain?" Are my smiles really that bad, Well I was trying bit to hard I suppose.

"Miranda?" I pick up 3 drinks and head for our table, I can do this, Impress by carrying three drinks to the table with out falling over.

Step, Step, Step Kick joking I can't dance. I walk steadly and caringly. i'm doing it, I know I sound stupid but its harder than it looks.

"Hiya Peeps" Tilly runs behind me towards the table knocking me, I wobble and stand, the drinks are ok. I wipe my brow. I'm still doing it.

"I can Do it" I shout everyone looking weirdly at me, I start to walk a little faster now not really paying much attention to the floor unrealising that the " wet floor' sign is out tripping over it and landing on the floor. Damn it why can't I do anything right for once. I was so close too i mutter under my breath.

"Miranda" Gary jumps over the bar and onto the floor next to me. What a knight he is turning out to be. He really does care. I am in pain but I turned out to be better than expected.

Lifting me up off the floor, he places me on the chair.

"Oh Miranda is there anything you can do without falling over?" my mother says shaking her head.


End file.
